Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
