also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
