My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
