There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
