omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
