I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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