I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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