we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
