Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
