You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
