theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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