What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
