We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
