I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
my sisters under your porch take her home
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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