I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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