My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
