I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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