my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
