I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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