I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
A bitchslap is in order.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
