I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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