I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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