I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
