His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
