theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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