Sry I called you an 8
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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