I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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