It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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