I wannas sexs uuuuu
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
