Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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