I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
