She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
