This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize