ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
