Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
