He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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