Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
All the doctor said was why
Randomize