And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
