Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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