Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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