I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
