Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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