At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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