In the future we'll all be gay
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
