My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
