tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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