People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
