It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
