The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
