like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
