first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
