Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I intend to get homeless drunk
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
