he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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