I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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