Apparently you make a good broom.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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