He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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