were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
