Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
