Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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