apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
