i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
