It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
