i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
