im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I think I sprained my soul last night
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
