they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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