So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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