worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Come share oat with me in your robe
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
