do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
