Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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