Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
the day after is always just damage control
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
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