Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
