i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
