I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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