Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We're too hungover to prance.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
